It’s almost October and that means we’re smack dab in the middle of Halloween season. And like any good holiday, Americans have many ways of getting in the spook-tacular spirit. Most of those ways require alcohol.
But fear not! There’s still plenty of good, clean fun to be had this Hallows Eve! What better way to get in the mood than to watch a scary movie? It’s a timeless tradition. But not all scary movies are created equal. We’ve compiled a list of the best lame scary movies on Netflix for your enjoyment. Take one in and be frightened by terrible acting and questionable scripts.
Axe Giant: The Wrath of Paul Bunyan
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 25%
Apparently this movie takes place at an outdoors camp for first-time offenders or something. That is not important. What is important is that this movie takes an affable character from one of the greatest tall tales of all time and turns him into a murderous psychopath! Who wouldn’t want to watch as a CGI character from 1993 takes out a group of sexy delinquents?
Paranormal Asylum: The Revenge of Typhoid Mary
Rotten Tomatoes Score: N/A
Hollywood is like one of those fishes that latch onto the sharks. The success of Paranormal Activity resulted in a plethora of “paranormal” movies. Paranormal Asylum is the latest stinkfest to try and latch on. Results are mixed. And by mixed I mean terrible. The movie takes place in an insane asylum in New York, where two aspiring filmmakers try to summon Typhoid Mary’s spirit. You’ll never believe it, but that wasn’t the wisest decision.
The Troll Hunter
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 71%
Here’s a flick that’s actually entertaining. Troll Hunter is shot in a style reminiscent of the Blair Witch Project. A group of Norwegian students attempt to get film of trolls after learning that their existence has been covered up for years by the government. The film is definitely in on the joke, which makes it a better watch. Still, trolls. Trolls that smell the blood of christian men and try to kill them.
Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 22%
Why was 2012 the year where everyone decided to sully the name of one of our greatest leaders? By everyone, I mean the people who made Abe Lincoln: Vampire Hunter and this masterpiece. Vampire Hunter made 37 million at the box office. This movie went straight to DVD. Dogpiling on the Honest Abe and zombie trends seems like a sure shot, and there’s plenty to enjoy here. It’s as campy as one would suspect, but it’s a good movie to laugh at with your friends.
The Crow: Wicked Prayer
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 48%
Here’s some of the cast: Tara Reid, David Boreanaz, Dennis Hopper, Danny Trejo, and Macy Gray(?). The star is Edward Furlong. If that alone doesn’t make you want to see this, then you may as well leave this page because this is an all-time cast for a sequel that nobody wanted. The original Crow is a cult classic; whether the fact that it has spawned some scores of sequels that range from bad to hilariously bad is a good thing or bad thing is completely a matter of perspective.
Killer Klowns from Outer Space
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 75%
One of the greatest movies titles of all time. This movie is a spoof, but watch that trailer. Tell me those clowns are not absolutely terrifying. One of those rare campy movies that gets legitimately better as the years pass and its goofiness becomes even more apparent.
Mad Ron’s Prevues from Hell
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 39%
A cult classic, Mad Ron’s is a selection of horror trailers played before an audience of the undead. Guts and gore aplenty, with some nice bits in between the trailers. A definite watch for those that are nostalgic for the ’80s.
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 34%
Ah, Leprechaun: The franchise that spawned Jennifer Aniston’s career (seriously, she’s in the first one). The sequel to Leprechaun is basically the first Leprechaun with different victims, which means that it is completely awesome. The franchise is currently being retooled by WWE Studios. It’s hard to top perfection, but Leprechaun 2 comes close.
Tales from The Crypt: Demon Knight
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 32%
The first Tales from the Crypt movie features the immortal Billy Zane in one of his finest roles as The Collector. Jada Pinkett guest stars.
Hansel and Gretel Get Baked
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 37%
A great stoner horror film. Gretel enlists her brother Hansel to help her rescue her pothead boyfriend from an evil drug-dealing witch. The weirdest part? Cary Elwes is in the film. You will never look at The Princess Bride in the same light again.